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'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it all went wrong!' No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high school student on the day of an important exam. She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualify for a place at college, so she had worked hard and psyched herself up for success. But she soon forgot herself. Once inside the classroom where everyone was waiting before going to the exam hall, she made the mistake of letting the others affect her. She told me later that the place was charged with negative energy. Some students were sitting around with glum faces, while others were fidgeting and pacing nervously. And the air was full of comments like: 'Who else is going to fail? I know I am!' 'This ain't gonna be easy, that's for sure.' 'I could do with another month to prepare.' 'I'm in BIG trouble!' As it continued the student told me she felt the positive energy being sucked out of her. Instead of feeling confident she began to feel sick with fear. Luckily she managed a pass, but everyone - and no one more than the student herself - was disappointed that she never achieved the expected high grade. But the girl turned the experience into a learning situation. She became aware that: * If your language is predominantly negative, you won't achieve your goals * You must guard against the negativity of others - for if you don't, they can easily 'infect' you too! Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation). Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughts affect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affected BY our language. And we can be affected not only by our OWN language, but by the language of others - if we're not careful, that is. Here in the UK teachers are used to hearing students say 'I'm stuck!' when working on a classroom assignment or exercise. A challenge has been encountered and the student is having difficulty finding a solution. Fair enough, ask the teacher for help, that's what they're there for. Many a parent has given their kids that advice. But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'? Is a negative message being sent back to the brain? This is something I've monitored in class many times and the results are predictable. Usually when someone says they are 'stuck', I'll tell them to get on with it and I'll be over shortly. The same response will be given to students who say, 'Can you help me, please?' Can you guess the results? Yes, those who are, in their own words, 'stuck' will sit and wait for help. In effect they have told their brains to shut down, there's no point in trying. Yet the students who saw themselves as 'needing help' have sent their brains a different message: 'No time for a rest, help is on the way!' So they keep working. That's the effect language has on us! Perhaps I should add at this point that I only hear 'I'm stuck!' in new classes. My students soon learn that they are not trees, so they can't be stuck! Some may think this is a denial of reality. But since our language can affect our INTERPRETATION of reality, why not put it to good use, rather than create 'problems'? How many times have you heard someone say they'd like to write a book? I hear it all the time. On one occasion the person followed up with 'but I don't expect I will.' She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't suppose you will.' However, we talked about negative language, and she was grateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'If you think you can't - you're right!' So how can we, as parents, help in our child's education and in life in general? Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give them a good example by keeping our own language positive! Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject. 'I need to work at it' will make it easier to do just that! Now we're on the right track, but what should they do if they're assaulted by negativity from others and lose their way? This trick may sound ridiculous, but rest assured, it's effective! When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negative language, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't, just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glass bell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary! Tell yourself that your positive contributions can go out and affect others, but their negative comments bounce off and don't get near you. Try it. It works . . . Enjoy your parenting!
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